rainna

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About rainna

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  • Birthday 09/17/1991

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  1. Briana, I'm so grateful that you took the time to respond. I was very hesitant to write about this in the first place and I did consider taking my post down, because for some reason I was really embarrassed about the whole thing, but at the same time I really felt I was going to explode if I couldn't share it with anyone. It's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I'm really torn at the moment, cause I'd love to be better friends with him but I also think it's best to just stay away until my feelings have cooled down as much as possible. I do miss him terribly, though. I don't have that many people here with whom I could be so comfortable with and as much myself as I am with him. He just seems to understand me better than most people. I am glad that he doesn't know how I feel and he never will, so maybe someday we can become better friends. I'm happy to hear that you found a way to deal with it. I guess I will too. I know there isn't really much you can do to comfort a person who just can't find love, but I really appreciate that you did it anyway. Right now I feel like I'm a socially crippled idiot who just doesn't fit in anywhere, and I have to stay away from the only person here who can make that feeling disappear. But I guess it will get better eventually. Sometimes it's just really hard to keep hoping.
  2. Whoa, this thread has really sunk... I don't know if it's good manners to resurrect it like this (especially as I haven't really been active lately), but I think I really need to get this off my chest and this was the first place I thought about. So. I am a lady who does not date, or have boyfriends, or anything really. Technically I like men, but in reality I very seldom get interested in anyone. And when I do, it's usually an impossible situation in one way or another and doesn't lead to anything, so my love life is literally nonexistent. I'm not happy with the situation but there's really not much I can do about it so I just try to live with it. Last autumn I met a guy. I immediately liked him a lot, but I just thought that he would never be interested me even if he happened to be available, so I just enjoyed spending time with him without any agendas. We were doing a school project together with a few other people, so we met quite regularly and always had a nice time. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He is one of the nicest people ever, very smart in the best possible way, very mature, very funny. We got along really well and he was always so kind to me. Then I found out that he has a boyfriend. I hadn't really given myself a permission to fall in love, so I wasn't devastated, just a bit disappointed. After Christmas the deadline of out project was approaching, so we had a lot of rehearsals, and we would also sometimes go for a coffee with the others before or after rehearsals. That's when I realised how much I really like this guy. We have so much in common even though our backgrounds are quite different. I'm absolutely comfortable around him and could be with him 24/7 without getting annoyed or uncomfortable. Last week, we finished the project and I won't be seeing him much anymore. I really miss him and think about him a lot. There's no point in stressing or being sad over this, cause there's absolutely nothing I can do. He will never care about me the way I want him to and I'll just have to live with that and be glad that I got to know such a great person. Right now it just feels so painful and unfair. I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as I like him, but the situation is more impossible than ever. Finding a brilliant person like that who would like girls, be single, like me and live in the same continent seems so unlikely that it might as well be impossible. I have no idea how other people do it.
  3. I have been horribly betrayed by films and tv - in fiction the clumsy, awkward and strange girls are always the most adorable ones and they ALWAYS get that loveliest guy. Well, I'm pretty much as clumsy, awkward and strange as a girl will get, but I don't see any prince charmings buzzing around me! Although I guess in addition to these qualities you're supposed to be ridiculously beautiful, which is the ingredient I'm sadly lacking... But that won't stop me hoping that life would work out like it does in the movies! Oh procrastination, my best friend and most fatal enemy... I'm probably the last person to give advice about this since I'm supposed to be writing an essay even now, but my strategy is to make lists. When I have loads to do and don't really know how to approach any of it, I write it all down. I make cathegories - one for school and one for general paperwork and so on - and then sort all the things in them and put them in an order according to their deadlines. That helps me make sense of the chaos and to actually see what it is that I'm supposed to do and when. And crossing things off that list is one of the most satisfying things there is! Also, Charlie. I just realised that linking a person to YouTube is seriously enabling their procrastinating habits... Sorry! Edit: Wow, I didn't realise the video would... appear like that! Weird!
  4. The little bit of flooding we had here a couple of weeks ago suddenly seems quite inconsequential... I hope everyone's okay! It's weird how we humans so easily forget how powerful nature can be and how much devastation it can cause. The tiniest, not-hurricane-level rant: I had a perfect opportunity for a romantic comedy moment in the school library yesterday. I was looking for material for my resource file, going through songbooks and copying the songs I want to use. I got up to get another book from the shelf, and managed to sweep all my papers off the desk and all over the floor. It was embarrassing, yes, but at the same time I couldn't help thinking that it would be a perfect moment for a knight in shiny armour. But nope, everyone just sat on their computers and didn't even look up. People these days can be so depressing! And I had to gather all the papers myself, which was a bit lame.
  5. Oh wow, I don't really have any smart input for this conversation, I just needed to come and express my bewilderment. I liked how the old forum was so... old and looked so dated, I thought it was a cute time capsule in the internet. This new one does look sharp, though. Even with Regina's face and hands creeping to my screen unexpectedly... Maybe the new forum will inspire me to become an active stixer again, that would be nice!Edit: What is this "0 warning points" text under my amount of posts? (Apparently you're the only one who can see your warning points, cause I only see it in my own profile.) Do we get warnings for being naughty? Like in primary school when one of our teachers had our names on the blackboard and once you had a certain number of minus marks next to your name, you would get detention or a note to your parents... How scary/exciting, I'll have to start behaving myself!
  6. And I already thanked you on fb, but thanks again for brightening my day! And I must add that I'm very impressed that my birthday got you back to Stix after such a long time! I hope this isn't just a one-time comeback gig, though. I've been all Y U NO BRUMSTIX, LENNONIST for a while now! (Not that I have been very active myself... But still! I do read the forums regularly! And I just used a meme to express myself. That's not good. I'll just go be 21 now and try not to think that Adele was already making her second album when she was 21.)
  7. I'm so sorry for your loss, Briana! I hope your grandma had a great life and left you with a lot of good memories. I haven't really lost that many people, but when I have had to deal with the grief and the loss, I have always needed time and space on my own. Just to clear my head and figure out the feelings inside. Dealing with other people and their grief or their reactions to your grief can be too overwhelming, and at least for me it's more comfortable to be alone and sort myself out first before facing the rest of the world. But I wouldn't say it's good for anyone to isolate themselves completely. If you start feeling like your stuck in the same thoughts and questions and bad feelings, being alone with them serves no purpose. That's were friends are needed, to pull you away from those thoughts and to make you remember the good things in life. I think - and this is really just my opinion, since everyone has their own way a dealing with grief - it could be good to tell your friends that you've lost someone dear and you're sad about that, but you want still want to sped time with them and for life to go on. I bet they'll understand and know that you're not ignoring them or being rude even if you don't feel up to being very socially active for a while. I really hope you'll feel better soon. And also - don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself the time you need. It's very understandable for you to feel distratcted right now, but it will probably get easier in time. A big virtual hug for you and your family!
  8. 1. I love this thread and I love your thoughts. 2. I was once discussing with my then four-year-old cousin and something I said made him say: "You're not an adult!" I said "Well, I'll be eighteen soon so that would me make almost an adult." He just stared at me and said "NO WAY. Really?" 3. I wish I was still seventeen. 4. Now I'm almost twenty-one and that is just stupid. 5. I found an apartment for me in Cork, Ireland. That means I'm really actually going. 6. I'm very, very scared but excited, too. (7.) I wish I had a smart piece of advice to give you, sweetness, but I'm terrible at making decisions so I really don't! I hope you'll have a great time, however you choose.
  9. You guys are so kind and sweet, thank you so much! It means a huge deal to me just to be sort of seen and recognised by someone. You wouldn't believe it from the way I post here, but it's so hard for me to bring up my negative emotions with other people, and I'm very glad I that here, I have the kind of community that allows me to do that. Of course it would be productive to talk to the actual people involved as well but I guess I'm just not there yet. I'm afraid to hurt them and put them in an uncomfortable position, and I fear that my feelings are unreasonable and unfair towards them, in which case I would do the wrong thing by confronting them about those feelings and the things that make me feel that way. Bah, it's hard to explain, but that's how my head works. I'm such an overthinker, and also very scared, so your analysis was spot on there, kaoir. What hurts me the most about this situation with my friends is the fact that they should know better than this (and yes, Emelie, these are the very same friends). They should know me so well, I tell them all the important stuff and they know things about me that no one else in the world knows. I thought they would be the two people who knew that I'm dead afraid of being rejected or abandoned. It makes me upset to think that they might not know me as well as I thought, or they just don't care as much as I though. Both scenarios are painful to me. Anyway, they're gone now and so they will be for pretty much the rest of the summer, so I have plenty of time to work this out with myself and also find something else to think about. In the end, I'm the biggest part of this problem since I just let people treat me badly and they'll probably never even realise that they have hurt me cause I won't bring it up with them. I can't really expect people to treat me better unless I let them know how I want to be treated, can I? The good news is that I'm messaging with one of my old friends right now! Our lives are very different from each other nowadays, but I'm still glad to hear from her and I really hope there's still something in common. I swear I wasn't fishing for compliments by ranting about my unlovability, but I still must thank you again for making me feel like I'm an ok person after all. Usually I am this positive, enjoy-the-small-things-in-life kind of person, but sometimes this attitude just crumbles and leaves me feeling like the most pathetic, uninteresting and unlovable person in the world. I have spent many years of my life re-learning to love myself and convincing myself that other people can love me as well, but I just haven't gotten much loving lately and I hate to see my confidence regressing like this. One good romance is all I would need right now... In case anyone knows where I could find one, please let me know! I guess everyone (well, almost) needs someone to appreciate them.
  10. I going to throw in a few words about Belt, since I absolutely love that song and have been thinking about it. I often like the songs where the music and the lyrics cotradict somehow. Sometimes you can make your point about sad, even terrible subjects more powerfully by using a jolly, upbeat melody in a major key than by just being all sombre and depressed. The contradiction catches the listeners attention and makes them think, or at least that's how it works for me. Songs that are all cheery on the outside can end up affecting me very deeply. In Belt's case, I think the melody reflects the narrators way of coping with her situation. She makes light of her problems, acts like they don't touch her or even exist at all and hides everything with a smile. I think it fits well - how the song is so cheerful if you only listen to the music, and you have to really pay attention to the lyrics in order to realise how dark the song actually is. The narrator also is all happy and smiles outside, and you have to look behind that mask to see her suffering. To go just a little off-topic, I somehow pair Belt with Amanda Palmer's , another seemingly cheerful song about serious subjects. The contradiction serves the same purpose, and I see Oasis as another case where the happy music mirrors the narrators attitude. How all these horrible, hard things happen to her, but she can't dwell on them and keep dealing with them, she needs to escape them to the things in her life that are exciting and fun and somewhat superficial, but at the same time a lifesaver to this character, who probably couldn't survive her life if it weren't for those little things. (What a long and complicated sentence, eek! ) She needs to focus on the positive, no matter how trivial those positive things might be, and perhaps live in denial in order to stay sane. Oasis, and especially its video, caused some controversy exactly because of the conflict between the subjects and the atmosphere of the song. Some people found it very inappropriate. I think Amanda commented it the best herself, by performing the "appropriate version", which of course sounds quite stupid (in case someone cares, it's ). I think that proves quite well how it can be much more effective to create contradictions than to underline every single tragic line of lyrics with even more tragic music.
  11. Aw, poor sweetness! Beings sick in the summer is depressing, I hope you'll feel better soon. Congratulations on surviving the gig though, performing when your sick can be so bad! My wee rant: just having one of those days when you feel like your life is stupid, your a loser and nobody cares about you anyway. My two very close friends are leaving to their five-week interrail trip (without me) tomorrow. Last week they were still all "We MUST get together before we leave" and all that jazz, so I told them I'll be free on Monday and to give me a call when they could meet up. Guess who's been sitting home all day believing that someone will call evetually... It's nine in the evening and no one has. I feel quite abandoned, pretty annoyed and very hurt. I'm twenty years old, I should be over this kind of friend drama, but I can't help feeling sad and a little angry. I also have no idea how to survive this July... My closest friends will be abroad or working in other towns. My family will leave next week for some holiday trips, but I can't go with them since I'll be working. My job is very lonely, I work in the night and see my coworkers for about ten minutes every night. I guess I should contact some of my high school friends whom I haven't seen in a while but I just feel like we've grown apart and I'm scared to meet them and find out if that's really the case. I see happy couples all around and I still haven't met anyone. I feel like I'm the only one who's not in love (of course that's not true, that's just me and my stupid drama-creating mind). I can't fall in love. When I have dared to try, I've just end up getting hurt for a long time. Again, I'm being super dramatic and silly, but I feel like the chances of anyone ever loving me are quite slim. There's really not that much in me to love. I was so supposed to get so much done this summer, but I really haven't. I'm so lazy and unproductive, my creativity has fled completely. It's very hard for me to respect myself right now. I don't feel like I desrve any respect at all. Ughh, this wasn't supposed to be such a long and stupid rant! Feels good the get it out of my system though, hopefully I'll be able to go and do something about these issues now rather than just spin them around in my head. I just wish I could figure out what exactly that 'something' should be... I wish I could just enjoy my relatively easy and problem-free life instead of coming up with all these stupid crises all the time.
  12. Waa, suomalainen ihminen! Onnenpäiväni! Ja myöskin Joanna Newsom <3, SMG <3 ja Bat for Lashes <3. Tervetuloa ja nauti. The Nordic representation is ever growing, mwahaha. And I must say I'm very impressed by your language skills!
  13. Oh gosh, exams in the summer? That's not humane... Good luck, guys! My rant: I slept whole two hours last night. At least I think it was two hours, I'm not sure since I fell asleep with a book still in my hand sometime after 11 pm and the woke up 1.20. Never fell asleep again. Thank you night work for messing up my sleep patterns! I usually work from 1.10 am to 5.30, then go home and get some sleep and wake up again around 2 pm, but since it was my day off I really just wanted to sleep at night and be awake when normal people are. My body's idea of a nice compromise: sleeping neither during the night nor during the day! Now I just have this horrible headache and general awful feeling, but I'm still not a least bit sleepy. (Bah, and this rant is starting to feel more and more trivial as I go on. I guess I'll just go and stare at the ceiling for a while...)
  14. Thanks Briana, and I'm glad to hear your friend liked it! And Dom, you too! It's so weird, just being here in Finland and thinking how I'm about to go to a place and a school I know all but nothing about, so it's very good to hear that the school is somewhat esteemed. Even though I'm not going just for the classes, I would love to learn loads of new stuff and be in school that can offer me good education. I'm quite shy and it takes time for me to get to know people, so I don't think I'll have excessive amounts of people to hang out with... So I'll definitely let you know in case I lack company. I've looked at some picture of the town and it seems quite nice with the river and all. Wheeee, I'm excited!
  15. quote: Do you think French is a difficult language? I mean.. our nouns have genders and articles, our third person pronouns are not gender neutral and we conjugate the verb depending on who we're talking about! Wow. Yeah, French was hard! But it not just because the language itself, I think. French was the second foreign language I started studying, after English. English is easy, because you hear and see it everywhere, all the time, while French is really something you don't come across if you don't try. The grammar is very different from Finnish and I think French is the language I've had to work most with in order to learn at least something. There's stuff like... subjunctive. WHY??? (I mean really, I can deal with adjectives and nouns and pronouns and even most of the verb stuff, but subjunctive is just bullying. Your tricky language bullying the poor person trying to learn it!) quote: I can't find a pattern here!! I don't know... And if you say it wrong it's very noticable. From the top of my head I have -ar, -er, -or, -n and -. And well man I don't know why I think Riikka would explain it better than me. It's so weird how different the stuff we know about our own language is from the stuff we know about foreign languages! The logic (it's not a perfect logic, but there is a logic) behind conjugating the nouns is probably the first grammar thing I learned when I started taking Swedish. Whereas this soundbox thing is something I've never even heard about! But I guess that's just how it works. I know about vowel harmony in Finnish, but I have no idea about the logic according to which we conjugate the verbs... But yeah, Swedish nouns! I really wish I could draw a chart... Okay. There are five groups, so five types of conjugation. The first form is singular indefinite, second is singular definite, third plural indefinite and fourth plural definite. 1. en -nouns that end with -a en flicka / flickan / flickor / flickorna 2. en -nouns that end with -e en pojke / pojken / pojkar / pojkarna 3. en -nouns that end with a consonant + most words that are borrowed from other languages en katt / katten / katter / katterna 4. ett -nouns that end with a vowel ett äpple / äpplet / äpplen / äpplena (= an apple) 5. ett -nouns that end with a consonant ett hus / huset / hus / husen (= a house) And that, my friends, is how the Swedes do it!