rainna

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Posts posted by rainna


  1. Oh, the lovely and wonderful world of body image issues... I, too, have spent the most of my youth there. I've never gone so far as to mess with eating, I just really hated my body for too many years. Time not so well spent. I've never been small or skinny and I was pretty young when I started thinking that it was not okay. I'm not going to bore you with the details and I don't even like thinking about them myself. The point is that I've never ever thought of myself as a beautiful person. I sometimes genuinly wonder how things are for people who don't feel ugly most of the time.

    So ladies (and gentlemen as well!), I think it is very important for us to consciously focus on feeling beautiful and to surround ourselves with people who help us feel that way. Everyone is beautiful and everyone deserves to feel it. Also, I think people should compliment one another way more generously, at least here in Finland. If you think someone looks pretty, tell them so! I think I've been called beautiful once (by a person other than my mum, that is), and even though it came from a complete stranger, it meant so much to me! I'm all for not judging people by their looks and focusing on inner beauty, but it's very hard to be confident and let your awesome personality shine through if you can't like your body and looks.

    I hate the fact that food has become such a huge problem to the world, even to the parts of the world where there's plenty of it. It's really hard to keep everything in proportion when eating is constantly problematised by media and education, even. Once it has taken over, it's extremely hard to gain back the control. I've witnessed a couple of cases like this, and it breaks my hert everytime. So please just keep on fighting, Shira! I can only imagine how hard it must be, but try to love yourself as well as you can and remember that the Stix sure loves you. Exercise if it brings you pleasure. For me, dancing is the best thing out there to keep me physically active. A dance lesson is so much fun it doesn't feel like working out just for the sake of working out and burning the calories. Maybe you could try to find a form of exercise that you love, so that it would relieve stress rather than cause it?

    Please just don't give up, even though it must be so hard. You have come so far already. The Stix will always be here for you. <3


  2. Emelie, I definitely understand that it's insanely hard to take criticism when it's about your art, which, I think, is basically little pieces of your soul. You wouldn't want anyone to come telling you that your soul is boring and you need to do something else with it! But I think the thing about art and critique is that you have to filter it a bit. Art is subjective. Of course there are technical aspects about it as well, but in the end it all boils down to personal views. So if you are told that your art is "boring", in my opinion the productive thing to do is to take the comment and think it through. After a little bit of consideration you might see that there might be some truth in the comment and you'll find a way to develope your music or try out something a little different and see where that will take you. Or maybe the thinking process will bring you a certaity that you are doing exactly what you want and how you want, you wouldn't change a thing and that's just who you are as an artist. And that's just as good a conclusion! I don't think it's possible to make art solely for other people, you have to love it yourself. Other people have their opinions and it may be wise to listen to them every now and then, but in the end your own opinion is what counts. (Plus, if three out of six said they were tired, that might mean that three out of six loved it! 50/50 is not that bad! Big Grin) I don't want to sound like I'm lecturing, cause I definitely have a hard time following my own advice way too often. Negative feedback hurts, but I think and I hope that over the time it will hurt less and less. Anyway, the Stix thinks you're awesome, so that makes more than 3 out of 6! Smiler

    My good news is that I'm flying off to Edinburgh tomorrow! I'm going to go spend a few days with my friend, who studies there. I'm super nervous about traveling there on my own and meeting all her Cool Scottish Friends, but I still hope it will be loads of fun and I'm so looking forward to seeing my friend!


  3. Congratulations, lennonist! I sympathise, sympathise, sympathise so much with what you wrote there... Though I must admit that being twenty doesn't suck as bad as I thought it would (then again I guess I've just been too busy with school and stuff to feel bad about anything for the past month...). I hope your third decade will work out well for you. Here's to 20-year-olds with their not so wild teenage years behind them! Big Grin As much I would like to give you that hug from a random stranger, I am forced to just send you a virtual hug from not quite random not quite a starger. You are truly a fantastic person and a really hope many good things will come to you. Have a great day!

    PS. Your niece is beyond cute, such lovely pics! <3


  4. quote:
    I smell an opportunity to hold a protest concert?

    Hope everything works out.

    We're definitely not going down without a fight! We are scheming all sorts of events and other stuff in order to make our faculty visible and to make people feel like culture actually matters. I just have none extra time or energy whatsoever at the moment, and credible protesting requires both... Gah. I understand that the goverment needs to save money and of course it's more important to educate nurses than music pedagogs, but our school is doing so well! It seems quite unfair.

    Considering that I am cheering for the preservation of our school so loud, I am a terrible student right now. I'm so very tired, I feel like I have way too much work for one person to handle. Yet many of my fellow students are doing even more than I am, and I don't hear them complaining or burning out... Maybe I'm just slow, lazy and inefficient. I don't know what I would do if we didn't have a week off coming up!


  5. Great songs, and what a wonderful voice you have! Your singing sounds so natural, like you're not even trying (jealous! Big Grin). You can hear Regina in the vocals especially, but the songs themselves made me think of Ingrid Michaelson more than Regina. Still, in the end, you are you, and even though the influences are there, I think your songs are original and very beautiful.


  6. The Ministry of Education want to close down my school. Or actually, to be precise, not the entire school but the faculty of music along with some other faculties. The situation is pretty absurd. Our school is doing well financially, we have good teachers and good students, we have projects, we co-operate with several institutes and employers. People who graduate from our school get a job straight away in most cases, and I do think that should count. Still, there is a possibility that we will be going down. I feel pretty helpless and sad right now.


  7. Kiitos paljon, thank you so much, lennonist! Currently listening to When You Were Young by Killers and crying a little... Just wait for it, it will hit you soon enough, too! :P

    I must say that the end of my teenage years was as good-girl-esque and "lame" as most of my time as a teenager... Went to library and to shop a little, spent time with my mum, sister and aunt and so on. The cake was good and chocolaty. I baked it with my mum and I decorated with grape halves set in the shape of a peace symbol. It was very much my style. Big Grin


  8. In Finnish tv, they have been showing Six Feet Under re-runs during the summer. As I had only seen one episode here and another one there before but had liked everyhting I saw, so when I found out that they were going to show all the seasons, I decided to watch the whole show. I just finished watching the last episode, and my gosh! That must have been one of the greatest, most touching and wonderful things I've ever seen on tv. I cried so hard in the end, it was... just massive. And the Sia song playing... I'm speechless.

    If you haven't seen the show, watch it! It's amazing.


  9. Thank you guys for all the nice words! Especially to Sweentness for all the peer support. <3 I think my "problem" is that my high school years were such a happy period in my life. The trouble started when I had leave all that behind and face the "real world". My a big part of my indentity was connected to my school and the community I had in there, and I still haven't quite figured out what could replace that part of my identity. I'm in a place where I should build an image of who I am as a grown up, independent person and that image is pretty blurry at the moment. For me, that's very stressful. I don't think that finding a boyfriend would magically solve all these issues, but I do think that it would help to have someone to share all this with. Getting a "relationship-indentity" is also something I would very much like to be able to do.

    Hah, too much pseudo-psychological deepness happening in this message already! What I really wanted to say was that I truly appreciate all the support and sympathy. I love this community so much, and it's people like you that make it so great.


  10. Heh, it's true that there are certain situations where it will be very nice to be able to say I'm 20 - it does sound a whole lot older than 19! I think people have always taken me for older than I actually am and they tend to be surprised when they hear my actual age. The general problem here must be that I'm dead afraid of time. I feel like it just goes past me and I stand by, completely unable to do anything that would matter or that anyone would even remember a year later. I feel like I should have found my passion by now, I should know what I want and be working to get there. I don't want be famous or anything like that, but I'm desperate to do something that matters. I want my existence to make a difference, I want a purpose. Right now I feel like I'm just drifting, not quite happy with my life but unable to change it for the better. I guess I'm little young to worry about these kinds of things, but the thought of wasting my life terrifyes me.

    Also - I think I'm getting awkwardly personal here, sorry - I have never had a real relationship in my life, and this situation bothers me more and more as I get older. I want to find someone, I want it so much, but already the thought of being twenty and having to tell someone that he's my first boyfriend makes me panic. By now, I really feel like there's something wrong with me. I get embarrased whenever I have to discuss about people's love lives. One by one, my friends move on to this world of stable relationships and I'm the one who's left behind. They move on to real adulthood and I stay on the verge, longing to either go back or move forward, to do anything but be here and now.


  11. Turning twenty IS damn depressing! I definitely am a teenager, not a grown woman with an age that starts with number 2. I'm still so silly and unexperienced! I feel like I should have done all things cool by now and I haven't and I'm freaking out. Usch. I'm going to be such a pathetic 20-year-old.


  12. quote:
    @rainna: its all part of being a teenager. 90% of the friends I hold close are girls, and they have the same problems.. Sadly the one I have a small *maybe not so small* thing for is 100% oblivious. I guess I respect our friendship too much to say so.. I guess rejection plays a role too.. I dunno, relationships are hard.

    Thanks for the support! The crappy thing is that I only have a little over a month left of my teenage years, so I guess I need to figure this out pretty soon... Big Grin

    I've been rejected and it hurts so much, so I hate being in situation where I should be the one to cause that amount of pain to another person. He's not really a friend of mine, we don't know each other that well, so I hope this won't be as bad as it could be. And if I could force myself into liking him, I would do that right away. Unfortunately, relationships just don't seem to work that way...

    (Also: Yay, George posted!)


  13. Norway. This is way too fucked up to be really happening. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that this kind of cruelty can even exist. It's inhuman. And the amount of pain the victims and their families are experiencing now and will be experiencing for years, the rest of their lives, maybe, is just as incomprehensible. I don't really even know what to say, I just had to say something.


  14. I finally got a job! I have been working in a graveyard for a week now, doing gardening. And oh yes, I have met the gravediggers. I'm definitely keeping an eye on them whenever they are working close to my group... Smiler


  15. Very cliched rant coming up... Why oh why oh why do I only like boys who don't like me back? When someone actually gets interested, I don't want him close to me. I only want those who don't want me. It's as if I were intentionally trying to get hurt. I am not, I have hurt myself bad enough already and I'm not willing to go through that pattern again. I'll never have myself a real relationship if I keep on like this.


  16. Aw, Shira, I hope everything goes well! I sort of hope that they could take my wisdom teeth off already. I don't fancy the idea of having surgery, but the growing teeth are so damn painful...

    My "rant": I had a job interview today and I'm probably going to have a date with this guy I've never met in person tomorrow. I'm really happy I got to the interview and I'm really happy that he asked me out, but the nervousness is killing me. Today I spent half the day panicking about the interview and feeling a little sick because of the nervousness. The interview went okay and I was able to calm down. That was until I came home and saw the message this guy had sent me... And now I have the pleasure of spending the whole night AND the next day roaming around restlesly, feeling like puking. I know there's not that much to worry about but I just can't help myself. Giving the first impression to someone you think you might like is so scary, and I have practically no experience of these kinds of situations. I'm afraid I'll ruin everything by being shy and stupid and the whole thing will be beyond awkward.


  17. quote:

    http://www.dailymotion.com/vid...-begin-to-hope_music

    I didn't know this video existed until today! I know some of you must have seen it, but just in case some people haven't... here it is!

    I hadn't seen that one, so thanks! Smiler You are going to stone me for being such a bad stixer, but I'm not sure if I've ever seen the On the Radio video. Or maybe I have seen it and totally forgotten about it, I don't know. Anyway, I watched it now and was kind of speechless, for I am currently studying to become a music teacher for little children, so I'll be doing pretty much exactly the stuff Regina is doing with the kids in the beginning of the video as my profession... Weirdly awesome! I just wish I could do On the Radio with them and be as cool as Regina, but I'm afraid that wouldn't work out very well. Big Grin


  18. I'm so lonely lonely lonely... Well, that's not a plan, it's a fact. So far this summer has been frustratingly dull. As for my actual plans:

    1. Get a job.

    So far I think I've sent out approximately 50 applications for a summer job, and I still don't have one. I need the money so bad. Now the case is that I don't have a job so I have nothing but free time, with which I can't do anything cause I don't have any money, and of which I can't enjoy cause I'm sterssing about getting a job. Hire me, anyone?

    2. Be true to my fantasy nerd background.

    I intend to re-read both The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings this summer, and actually I'm almost done with The Hobbit already. I looove those books to bits even though I don't really read fantasy anymore. It's so hard to find anything good and grown-up...

    3. Read loads of books.

    This, too, is going well already. Thank you library for free books.

    4. Make music. Write songs, practise, practise, practise.

    5. Meet new people. Fall in love.

    I have no idea how to proceed with this one but that's what I want from this summer, no matter what.

    6. Spend time with friends.

    For they are lovely people.

    7. Overcome writer's block and write stuff.

    Stories, beginnings of novels, poems, lyrics, anything.


  19. Yummy pictures all over the place! I had a very active weekend baking-wise - I made chockolate cookies on Friday and rhubarb pie on Sunday - but of course I didnt remember to take any pictures. Both projects worked out well and tasted good, though, but that's had to transmit via internet. Smiler


  20. Heh, lennonist, you're welcome! Strange, funny connections! Agnes is great and so is Catself. I like her voice and the songs and how she does everything herself. Big music and big musical machineries have their place in my heart but mostly I love this kind of "handmade" music - you have your voice and your instrument and your creativity and maybe some friends and then you just do things. I can't explain this well... But yeah. I like Catself's songs and I'll definitely go see her live if I get the chance. I find this song:

    quite Regina-esque in a way. That's definitely a good sign.

    Weird things are going on when non-Finnish people start discovering and informing me about great Finnish music I've never even heard of... Big Grin (Well, she seems to be from Poland originally, but still.)