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Yablonya

This may be scary to talk about, but I don't know what to do

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I'm really sorry this happened to your friend, Yablonya.

I never knew someone personally that killed themselves, but the friends I had in Jr. High School were close to a boy who hung himself on a tree in his front lawn...It was the most disturbing thing that has happened in that town.

They were all shocked and devastated. He too had mental problems and unfortunately, drug problems and he probably felt like he wanted to punish his parents for neglecting him (his parents found him, of course).

All I can say is that I give you my sincerest condolences and urge you to speak to anyone you are close with about this, it helps with the grief of losing someone (that I HAVE experienced myself).

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Thank you all so much, reading these posts today have made me feel a little calmer

Well... the funeral was on Saturday, and it was probably, no definitely, the hardest thing I've ever done. The first person I saw when I walked through the door was her younger sister who is also one of my very best friends. We hugged and I cried, but she didn't and that made me cry more

And then later on, the casket was open, and I was crying so badly until c.c. (the friend who I refused to tell what happened) forced me to go see her lying there. And to be honest... it didn't make me cry. In a way, it comforted me. She had Bath&Body Works stuff w/ her, the sugar smelling kind and a blue t-shirt hat said Mrs.Colbert and a sticker that said Hannah#1, and I smiled and I remembered what a funny person she was. Really, I was just happy to see her after almost two years of her being far away in Idaho

Then the burial wasn't nearly as difficult as listening to the heartbreaking service. Because, I wouldn't say I'm religious, but I am very spiritual, and at that point I knew that she wasn't being buried in he ground, only her body was, and she doesn't need it anymore.

And then the luncheon thing at their house afterwards, I stayed with Sophie, her sister who I mentioned before, and we talked about oher things and laughed. Other friends friends of hers and Hannah's were there as well.

And I noticed all that morning and afternoon, it was raining and cold but once I was "healing" with Sophie, the rain stopped and it got sunny.

It might be depressing or maybe even boring (lol!) to read this post, but I just wanted you all to know that I'm not going away from brumstix forever, and that I really appreciated reading your comments and good wishes. You're all way cool Cool [<--- because I think Hannah would agree it's time for smiles again]

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It's not boring to read your post. You are a friend and a fellow Regina fan, brumstix member and a HUMAN BEING. Your feelings matter.

Don't forget that. I feel the same way as you do about death. When they bury bodies, the person isn't in there, it's their spirit that you knew and that lives on forever in YOU.

Always remember her and cherish your times together, she will be alive as long as you are alive...

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Yablona,

I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like for you to lose such a close friend.

This summer I had my first real experience dealing with death. About six years ago I met a cousin of mine who had the most amazing personality, and I immediately loved her. I heard a few years ago that she had died, but she lived on the other side of the country, so I felt distanced from the death. This summer, however, I went back to where she lived for the first time. Walking in the house where she had lived and spending time with all of the same people I had seen when I saw her last, it really hit me. I was never going to see her again. The thought of this really haunted me for the majority of my waking hours that couple weeks. We were never really close like I said, because I had only met her once. But even just that once was enough to make me seriously think about death, and dealing with the fact that people are gone for good once they are dead.

I guess in the end, I came to the conclusion that all I could do was remember. But maybe I am okay with that. I thought about something Kurt Vonnegut wrote about in one my all time favorite books, "Slaughterhouse Five." The book is based on a man who comes "unstuck" in time. Rather than fearing death and morning the dead, he experiences his life in random moments. While this, of course, is not the real case, I think the most important thing we can take from this is that those great moments we shared will always exist. And there is nothing that can take that away from us.

Once again, I don't mean to compare our situations at all. I can't possibly have any idea of what you must feel like. It must be the most horrible feeling. Just know that we are all here to support you if you need anything, and I wish you all the strength you need to get through this.

~Tyler

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quote:
Originally posted by PilingAndTwisting:

It's not boring to read your post. You are a friend and a fellow Regina fan, brumstix member and a HUMAN BEING. Your feelings matter.

Don't forget that. I feel the same way as you do about death. When they bury bodies, the person isn't in there, it's their spirit that you knew and that lives on forever in YOU.

Always remember her and cherish your times together, she will be alive as long as you are alive...

Melissa, Yablonya, I couldn't have said it better. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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Yablonya,

I lost my best friend this way when I was in my early 20s. She was such a wonderful person, very funny and down to earth, but she got depressed after her sister killed herself. Not right after her sister's death, but after five years. She killed herself on the fifth anniversary of her sister's death.

I was devastated. I felt angry that she had not called me for help before taking her life, and also guilty that I had not somehow prevented her from getting to that point. (I had seen her the weekend before she died, and she seemed really down, but I had no idea what state she was in.)

But mostly I felt terribly sad---for the waste, and for the loss of my dear friend.

Anyway, I remember how hard it was, so I want to send you my sympathy. I can understand how difficult the service must have been, but it's great that you were there with Sophie and the two of you could laugh together at the lunch.

I know what you mean about seeing the open casket. I have been to only one service that had one, but I had that same feeling: the person looked so peaceful, it kind of set my mind at rest a bit.

Reading what other people wrote on here made me glad to be a regular on this forum. So many kind, thoughtful comments. I can see why they made you feel calmer. The internet is so strange, but in a great way! You really do have people here you can talk to.

I liked the line Morricone quoted:

The world is everlasting, it's coming and it's going...

And I wanted to add:

No, this is how it works

You peer inside yourself

You take the things you like

And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made

And stick it into some

Someone else's heart

Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm

You hope it don't get harmed

But even if it does

You'll just do it all again

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