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BitsOfBone

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as everyone else said, there is no need to feel pressurized into labeling yourself. your father seems to be empathetic, you're lucky. Smiler even though it's not much, i completely understand how you're feeling and know you'll figure it all out eventually.

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Whoa, this thread has really sunk... I don't know if it's good manners to resurrect it like this (especially as I haven't really been active lately), but I think I really need to get this off my chest and this was the first place I thought about.

So. I am a lady who does not date, or have boyfriends, or anything really. Technically I like men, but in reality I very seldom get interested in anyone. And when I do, it's usually an impossible situation in one way or another and doesn't lead to anything, so my love life is literally nonexistent. I'm not happy with the situation but there's really not much I can do about it so I just try to live with it.

Last autumn I met a guy. I immediately liked him a lot, but I just thought that he would never be interested me even if he happened to be available, so I just enjoyed spending time with him without any agendas. We were doing a school project together with a few other people, so we met quite regularly and always had a nice time. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He is one of the nicest people ever, very smart in the best possible way, very mature, very funny. We got along really well and he was always so kind to me. Then I found out that he has a boyfriend. I hadn't really given myself a permission to fall in love, so I wasn't devastated, just a bit disappointed.

After Christmas the deadline of out project was approaching, so we had a lot of rehearsals, and we would also sometimes go for a coffee with the others before or after rehearsals. That's when I realised how much I really like this guy. We have so much in common even though our backgrounds are quite different. I'm absolutely comfortable around him and could be with him 24/7 without getting annoyed or uncomfortable. Last week, we finished the project and I won't be seeing him much anymore. I really miss him and think about him a lot.

There's no point in stressing or being sad over this, cause there's absolutely nothing I can do. He will never care about me the way I want him to and I'll just have to live with that and be glad that I got to know such a great person. Right now it just feels so painful and unfair. I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as I like him, but the situation is more impossible than ever. Finding a brilliant person like that who would like girls, be single, like me and live in the same continent seems so unlikely that it might as well be impossible. I have no idea how other people do it.

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rainna, i can totally relate! I had a giant crush on a guy who turned out to be gay, as well. He's sweet, attractive, charming, helpful, and talented. I was crushed when i found out i could never stand a chance. I don't still have feelings for him, i just wish him the best. It took about a year or so to completely move on. I'm like you, in that i don't get interested in guys too often, so it was extra hard to move on for me.

I regret not trying to become closer friends with him now, cause he's a great guy. But who knows, maybe it would've been too weird to try getting close when i liked him :huh: i don't know.

Either way, i'm sorry for your situation, and i hope that things work out well for you. It's good that you found out about his boyfriend before working up the nerve to make a move, at least. That's one thing i'm glad about with my situation: he never knew how i felt, which made it easier to make a clean break, so to speak.

Good luck! I'm sorry it didn't work out with this one guy, but i'm sure you'll find someone who is just as crazy about you as you will be about them! Don't give up, just wait it out; that's all you can do. Sorry i don't have more than a couple of cliches to offer you, but i don't know much about this love stuff lol Maybe someone with a richer romantic background can jump in and help us both out!

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Briana, I'm so grateful that you took the time to respond. I was very hesitant to write about this in the first place and I did consider taking my post down, because for some reason I was really embarrassed about the whole thing, but at the same time I really felt I was going to explode if I couldn't share it with anyone. It's really comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I'm really torn at the moment, cause I'd love to be better friends with him but I also think it's best to just stay away until my feelings have cooled down as much as possible. I do miss him terribly, though. I don't have that many people here with whom I could be so comfortable with and as much myself as I am with him. He just seems to understand me better than most people. I am glad that he doesn't know how I feel and he never will, so maybe someday we can become better friends. I'm happy to hear that you found a way to deal with it. I guess I will too.

I know there isn't really much you can do to comfort a person who just can't find love, but I really appreciate that you did it anyway. :) Right now I feel like I'm a socially crippled idiot who just doesn't fit in anywhere, and I have to stay away from the only person here who can make that feeling disappear. But I guess it will get better eventually. Sometimes it's just really hard to keep hoping.

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Whoa, this thread has really sunk... I don't know if it's good manners to resurrect it like this (especially as I haven't really been active lately), but I think I really need to get this off my chest and this was the first place I thought about.

So. I am a lady who does not date, or have boyfriends, or anything really. Technically I like men, but in reality I very seldom get interested in anyone. And when I do, it's usually an impossible situation in one way or another and doesn't lead to anything, so my love life is literally nonexistent. I'm not happy with the situation but there's really not much I can do about it so I just try to live with it.

Last autumn I met a guy. I immediately liked him a lot, but I just thought that he would never be interested me even if he happened to be available, so I just enjoyed spending time with him without any agendas. We were doing a school project together with a few other people, so we met quite regularly and always had a nice time. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He is one of the nicest people ever, very smart in the best possible way, very mature, very funny. We got along really well and he was always so kind to me. Then I found out that he has a boyfriend. I hadn't really given myself a permission to fall in love, so I wasn't devastated, just a bit disappointed.

After Christmas the deadline of out project was approaching, so we had a lot of rehearsals, and we would also sometimes go for a coffee with the others before or after rehearsals. That's when I realised how much I really like this guy. We have so much in common even though our backgrounds are quite different. I'm absolutely comfortable around him and could be with him 24/7 without getting annoyed or uncomfortable. Last week, we finished the project and I won't be seeing him much anymore. I really miss him and think about him a lot.

There's no point in stressing or being sad over this, cause there's absolutely nothing I can do. He will never care about me the way I want him to and I'll just have to live with that and be glad that I got to know such a great person. Right now it just feels so painful and unfair. I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as I like him, but the situation is more impossible than ever. Finding a brilliant person like that who would like girls, be single, like me and live in the same continent seems so unlikely that it might as well be impossible. I have no idea how other people do it.

I too can relate Rainna, although my story is quite the opposite - being gay, I fell for a straight guy. I'm 17, I came out to friends back in Feb, and even though I know my family suspect my sexuality, and would have no problem with it whatsoever, they're still in the dark for the time being, so to speak. Whilst I'm certainly not ashamed of what I am, I find the matter ever so awkward when it comes to family, I'm just not ready yet when it comes to them for the time being. Anyway, I met a lovely guy on my art course, I grew to like him, he's a few years older at 20, but you wouldn't perhaps think it; at first, after a couple of months of friendship, I told myself he was 'the closest thing I had to a crush'. I'd been watching some quite influential television, which encouraged a foot out of the closet and my wanting to be more 'teenager'. I'm ever so self-aware as a person, I over-think, can be excessively analylitical and on many occasions, if not most, I find myself pretending to live some coming-of-age dramady film; I often think as if I'm looking back on my teenage years, already an adult, which I really don't think is normal. It's born out of wanting to be taken seriously by adults from a young age, I've figured, even though at the same time I've had my cringe-worthy phases and dull 'teen' moments.

So, to get down to my story, I decided to let myself be more 'teenager', to let myself develop a silly crush. After a few months of thinking of him as a kind of crush, his father died in his late 50's of a heart-attack on their bathroom floor, his family desperatly flurrying around him, a scarring scene and a death too young - when he told me what had happened, I was overcome with such a feeling of compassion for him, and I knew from that point on that whatever I felt for him, it was more than just a silly crush - I cared about him. I knew I cared, but would still sometimes doubt these first-time feelings, wondering if it was him, or just the idea of him that I wanted, as it's the way my messed-up mind works - a seconds afterthought however, would often stop such nonsense thoughts. I would think of the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, his hairy arms, his gestures, the way he moved, laughed, and for a few minutes I would stop doubting, and know it was real. In a similar situation to your's, with the end of the art course in sight, I decided to tell him how I felt about him. From the off, I knew he was straight and that he would never think of me in the way I did of him; I told myself that my telling him would be the height of our one-sided relationship, so went ahead with telling him on the last day. He was clueless, a little mortified, uncomfortable, but understanding, ever so nice about it. I haven't seen him since then, and that was over a month ago now; I do plan to see him again around college, but yesterday, for the first time, I thought I might be getting over our non-existant relationship - I still care, I'd still love a chance with him, when I find myself dreamily thinking up some generic 'couple' situation, he's by my side, but it doesn't hurt so much anymore, it doesn't ache now, even if he's still in my head.

We'll both find someone, I'm sure - I'm a mess, lightly mentally ill (probably) and painfully self-concious about the extra weight I need to shed, but I never lose hope of getting somewhere, finding someone, even if everything feels so distant, so far away from me. He's shown me what it's like to love somebody, as has your guy, he's given me that beautiful, devestating gift, and I'll always remember him and be thankful. One day, I'll feel it again for the right one, the one who will feel the same way for me (what happens from that point on is a different matter! ;) ), and hell, even if I don't, at least I've known what it feels like to love, as have you, no matter how much it can hurt.

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