Em Mitchell

Wee Rants

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I'm living the longest summer holiday I've ever had and probably ever will, and all I want is for it to be over. I want to go to school, I want to go away from home, I want to get away from the thoughts that start bothering me the minute I get away from work or friends or whatever the distraction has been. I want out.

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this isn't so much of a rant as a minature break-down.

I studied abroad for three months in France and now I miss it so much! I miss everything about it, getting drunk and riding public transport, teachers smoking out their classroom windows, reading ouest-france daily while smoking and having a kir at 11a before class, having random african men dance with us at clubs, window shopping all day down rue froide, buying so many scarves I could mummify myself, having a croissant every day, sunday markets where you can buy horse meat if you really want to, having sdf's yell at you when you don't give them money, not having an open cafeteria that is a buffet, not having to stand 25 ft from a door when you smoke on campus, doing wierd things like going to a play at a psych ward and having guys try to buy my sunglasses off my face, getting asked by strangers to use my cell phone, watching men waste their lives drinking all day at the nearest tram stop, being two hours from paris by train, being 20 min from a beach, having pasta and wine picnics on the green underneath a chateau, hearing the word quoi after every sentence, speaking french 24/7....i miss it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that I will never have another period in my life where I can spend 12 weeks in France and that literally breaks my heart as if an old friend has died.

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quote:
Originally posted by StalkerChic:

I hate when you give so much out

and get so little back.

Frowner

I know the feeling... Don't let the selfishness of others question your own morals, but don't let it suck away at your existence either. It's a tough balance, but finding it is a crucial process.

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Something is wrong with me, my thoughts, personality, self esteem, happiness and outlook at least since college started last august. I'm an unhappy and much worse version of myself.

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quote:
Originally posted by Reginaoverdose:

Something is wrong with me, my thoughts, personality, self esteem, happiness and outlook at least since college started last august. I'm an unhappy and much worse version of myself.

Alicia, I've been through what sounds like the same thing as what you're going through right now. With my little experience, all I can really say in the way of advice is to listen to a shitload of music and keep your chin up. Smiler

The thing about human beings is that we are ever changing.

Last year, during the summer, I went through a really bad state mentally and emotionally; I couldn't care about anything or anyone, feel anything, and I was having a lot of really dark, morbid thoughts; I thought something was wrong with me and that I'd always be morbid/dark minded (I even thought that I might be evil at one point), but I didn't stay that way; I changed. Granted, it took awhile; it took about five or six months, but I changed nonetheless. That's why I'm confident you'll get through this, just try not to let things get to you (and also, listen to a shitload of music). Wink

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Alicia, I am very sorry to hear that you aren't doing well. It won't always be like this, time is a healer. And so is music. Smiler You seem like a strong young woman, I am very confident that you can work through this and come out on top. Smiler

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quote:
Originally posted by Reginaoverdose:

Something is wrong with me, my thoughts, personality, self esteem, happiness and outlook at least since college started last august. I'm an unhappy and much worse version of myself.

Is this recent? Did something set you off, or is it one of those random things you just can't pinpoint?

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