Em Mitchell

Wee Rants

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Look on the bright side: at least you didn't have to put up with a bunch of bratty kids! Smiler

On a more serious note, hang in there! I spent the last couple of years feeling terribly depressed (family drama, feeling stuck, etc) and have learned that wallowing in sadness will do you no good. If you're unhappy with your circumstances, figure out ways to change it. Life is too much of a short and precious thing to waste time being sad. When you're at your lowest, just remember that it will get better. *Sending virtual hugs your way*

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Yes Raph never forget how welcomed you are on this forum. All of us care about you and your well being. Smiler You're a very awesome guy. Hit me up on Xbox Live or Facebook anytime you need to talk about anything. Smiler

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This is a little late, but I'll respond anyway.

Raph, you necessarily didn't miss much. I went to an all-male high school. I suffered from teenage existential angst. The shadow of my mind's sight only fell on my studies, so I made few friends as a consequence. I admired men from afar. I envied the cool kids and didn't want to lose respect so I found comfort and security in my closed-off shell. I could have opened myself, but I pushed people away. I heard the saying "No man is an island" and took it as a challenge.

As the song by Simon & Garfunkel goes:

"I've built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need of friendship

For friendship causes pain

It's laughter and it's loving I disdain

I am a rock, I am an island

Don't talk of love

Well, I've heard the word before

It's sleeping in my memory

I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died

If I never loved, I never would have cried

I am a rock, I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armor

Hiding in my room, safe within my womb

I touch no one, and no one touches me

I am a rock, I am an island

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries"

I'm horribly awkward around girls. I'm such a loser I've never had any real contact with girls. If you've had a relatively long conversation with a girl, then that automatically puts you ahead of me.

My consolation would be, read books like "The Catcher in the Rye" or "A Separate Peace" (I haven't read this one yet) or "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". You can sort of vicariously live through media.

I'd also strongly recommend watching the tv show "Freaks and Geeks". It got cancelled and has only 18 episodes. It's become my favorite tv show since I watched it. It's about high school life in the '80s though the show is from 2000. My high school experience was nothing like this. Private schools tend not to have socially unstable students and the divisive cliques and social groups that public schools do, like goth, emo, punk, metalheads, rednecks, etc. Thank god for the hipsters.

http://www.tv-links.eu/tv-show...aks-and-Geeks_17799/

You can follow it up with the show "Undeclared" by the same guy which is about being an undeclared major in college. It was also cancelled and has 17 episodes. Or watch "Community" on right now which I hear is really good.

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I'm sorry to hear that you didn't have a good time in school, lennonist! Frowner

But just to be fair (so that people aren't afraid to send their kids to school because it's all shitty) school can be good also. I've obviously never gone to an American school. But I was quite comfortable in my school. It took me quite a while. When you're in that age - who isn't insecure? Then I realized that we all were pretty much in the same boat. We just chose to share it more or less.

My last year of college was my best school year. High school was pretty sad, but after the first year in college... I've always kinda jumped around between different groups of people and never cared who was "cool" or not. I pretty much hung out with everyone (which unfortunately resulted in me not getting any really good friends that I still hang out with, but I enjoyed it still). Pretty much the whole class was a group of its own. I miss it sometimes. But I'm happy life is moving forward.

I didn't mean to make your problem smaller or anything, lennonist. I get it that life in school can be really hard. I just meant to give a different point of view.

I don't think you're a loser for not feeling comfortable talking to girls! It happens to almost everyone. You know. We girls aren't as bad as we seem. Some of us are even nice Wink Try to pretend we're boys. You know: "People are just people. They shouldn't make you nervous. The world is everlasting it's coming and it's going". I usually hum that song when I'm feeling insecure. It helps Smiler

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Oh no, I had a good time in high school. I'll admit, I was depressed at times, but overall it was a good experience. I liked my teachers and my classes and the books I was made to read and stuff I learned and reflected on.

I just have some deep regrets about not investing in friendships and being a better friend. I mean, I was somewhat active and did stuff, like Chess Team, Debate Team and Robotics early on, and then newspaper my last two years. I still didn't say yes when opportunities presented themself and wasn't very spontaneous or ready to live. I was trying to cheer Raph up by talking about how one doesn't necessarily achieve social happiness (poor phrasing, but you know what I mean) by going to school.

College on the other hand has been disappointing (and expensive). I've had bad luck with getting good professors. Most of them don't seem to care. I'm changing my major (cause organic chemistry is a bitch), so hopefully things will get better. I'm thinking about double-majoring, so I can have a practical engineering degree and then a useless philosophy degree.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. But thank you for the encouraging words.

Yes, I'm trying to work on "acting naturally". I keep to myself usually and don't really "go out". As the internet joke goes, "One is never alone with a cellphone", so sometimes I fiddle with my sister's cellphone (which was kinda supposed to be mine but I rarely use it) in public. It's so awkward having to figure out what to do with your hands. I think girls carry purses just so their hands have something to do. I'm going try that technique from now on. The world is a place. People are just people.

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Very cliched rant coming up... Why oh why oh why do I only like boys who don't like me back? When someone actually gets interested, I don't want him close to me. I only want those who don't want me. It's as if I were intentionally trying to get hurt. I am not, I have hurt myself bad enough already and I'm not willing to go through that pattern again. I'll never have myself a real relationship if I keep on like this.

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quote:
Originally posted by rainna:

Very cliched rant coming up... Why oh why oh why do I only like boys who don't like me back? When someone actually gets interested, I don't want him close to me. I only want those who don't want me. It's as if I were intentionally trying to get hurt. I am not, I have hurt myself bad enough already and I'm not willing to go through that pattern again. I'll never have myself a real relationship if I keep on like this.

rainna - it sounds like you're half way home. Realizing what the issue is, is huge. Now you need to decide how you're going to defeat it.

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