Em Mitchell

Wee Rants

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I just need to have this wee rant out somewhere.

I've gained about 10 pounds since this time last year, and about half of that since the end of the school year in June/July. It's freaking me out.

Now, I've had a lot of body-image issues in the past, and I really don't want to go back to that place. It bothers me that my pants are tight and then I have to think to myself: it's okay, you're not fifteen anymore. You bought these pants when you were fifteen.

I know that it shouldn't be a big deal and I know that I'm at a pretty ideal weight now, I know that teetering on the edge of underweight wasn't going to last and wasn't a healthy place to be anyhow. But goddamnit, I just don't even feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. It's stressing me out. I need to get in shape, at least. There's a pool and a little gym type thing in my building. I really have no excuse.

Sigh.

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^^i totally understand where you're coming from! I deal with similar issues-- it's not that i think i'm overweight, it's just that i'm bigger than i used to be, and feel pressure to keep my weight under control when i see that i'm gaining. So i see where you're coming from

My suggestion (absolutely no reason for you to feel like i have authority on the subject, just trying to be construcive! Ignore me if you like!) Perhaps you could find a swimming/workout buddy, so that you'd keep each other dedicated. Or, if you're a more responsible, motivated person than i am, you could make yourself a schedule for working out, or just make up your mind that you'll go use the facilities next time you're feeling stressed and have the free time.

Basically, the first time is always the hardest when you're thinking in terms of a regular schedule, but if you do find the time to do it, you might be glad you did!

It's not really about getting results, per se, just taking action and knowing that you're taking care of yourself can make all the difference. I know i feel better about myself in the event that i find i've been working out lol!

Good luck, and i hope you can learn to be comfortable in your ever-changing skin! You're beautiful, and don't forget it <3

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quote:
Originally posted by the monster in your closet:

I just need to have this wee rant out somewhere.

I've gained about 10 pounds since this time last year, and about half of that since the end of the school year in June/July. It's freaking me out.

Now, I've had a lot of body-image issues in the past, and I really don't want to go back to that place. It bothers me that my pants are tight and then I have to think to myself: it's okay, you're not fifteen anymore. You bought these pants when you were fifteen.

I know that it shouldn't be a big deal and I know that I'm at a pretty ideal weight now, I know that teetering on the edge of underweight wasn't going to last and wasn't a healthy place to be anyhow. But goddamnit, I just don't even feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. It's stressing me out. I need to get in shape, at least. There's a pool and a little gym type thing in my building. I really have no excuse.

Sigh.

Duuuude, I can relate entirely. Well, I'm not sure exactly how much I weigh because the last time I went to the doctor I didn't want to know, so I didn't look, but I know I've gained weight since this time last year. My senior year was really stressful and I lost weight, but I gained it back during the summer. I've had body image issues since I was probably 10 years old (I know that sounds insane), but in the last couple of years it hasn't bothered me. Now that I'm in my freshman year of college, it's becoming an issue again. It's unnerving to be around all of these pretty and thin girls. Now I'm trying to eat less, which is an effort because I love food, and I'm walking for an hour every day. I don't think it's making a difference yet, but it's like Be like the water, people said, it does make you feel better to know you're doing something.

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Ladies, stop worrying, because I only judge you based on your musical taste. Queue up, for there are many of you, and only one of me.

Joking aside, don't aim to be skinny, just be healthy and fit. Life is short (and can be longer if you upkeep your vessel). Don't spend life trying to please others (unless it pleases you) - please yourself.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.”

― John Lennon

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Girls! Just take care of yourselves!

I've had body image issues since I was 13. But I have to say that now I'm fine. And it's so much nicer to be fine with it than worrying. I guess I'm pretty thin. Normal weight anyhow. I don't have a scale now, which is good. I still think I could stand to lose some from time to time, but you just have to ignore those thoughts.

I used to stand in front of the mirror and count all the things that were wrong with me. As soon as I stand in front of a mirror and think something like "you're ugly" I just walk away. It's an active choice you have to make. If you think that you can work out and be happy with the results and not aim for perfect - that's great. But, people, if you're restricting your food intake it changes the way you think. You'll feel guilty for eating regular stuff and that never ever leads up to something good.

Just be careful! Take care of yourselves! If you feel you can change and become more active without looking down on yourselves while doing so - do it! If not, deal with the self image problem first. I had to ask myself stuff like: "Well why don't I want to eat this apple? Because I haven't eatin in 6 hours and this would ruin it. Will this apple make me fat? Could it possibly? No, not really. Would one cookie make me fat then? No, but 20 a day would. Yes, but I can eat one without feeling guilty..." and so on.

Oh I'm sorry if I'm preaching. And of course I don't understand everything your feeling, I can only guess. I just care for you, I love you all, and I would hate seeing you feel bad about something like this. It's so hard to make it go away when you've allowed it to start.

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Oh wow.

Thank you everyone. My heart is going crazy. Honesty is hard! I took some time on my reading week to talk to my friend, who went through very similar things as me, and she's looking and doing wonderfully. I can't say the same for myself...

Sweetness... you hit close to home there.

This is going to sound terrible, but I honestly cannot remember a time when my relationship with food and/or my body was a healthy one. Throughout high school it was a particularily unhealthy one. I lost a lot of weight, thought a lot of terrible thoughts, and lied to a few people, but mostly lied to myself.

I grew out of it, a bit. But a lot of the thoughts are still there.

It sometimes feels like it has to be all or nothing. Like I have to be obsessive and eat nothing or else I'll just eat everything, because I can't seem to function at any ballanced spot in the middle.

There were so many times back then when I considered conffessing my issues to the stix. I'm sure you folks would have been great help back then, but I suppose I wasn't ready to admit to myself the scale of the problem. Honestly, I would put that time of my life in the "eating disorder" category, and I am happy to be able to say that I really don't think I'm there anymore. I have a lot more confidence, it takes up less of my time. But something like that, well I don't beleive that its something I'll ever be fully rid of. It will always be a part of me, and getting out of its grasp is not a smooth and easy process. Especially when, right now, part of me really just wants to go back to it all.

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Oh, the lovely and wonderful world of body image issues... I, too, have spent the most of my youth there. I've never gone so far as to mess with eating, I just really hated my body for too many years. Time not so well spent. I've never been small or skinny and I was pretty young when I started thinking that it was not okay. I'm not going to bore you with the details and I don't even like thinking about them myself. The point is that I've never ever thought of myself as a beautiful person. I sometimes genuinly wonder how things are for people who don't feel ugly most of the time.

So ladies (and gentlemen as well!), I think it is very important for us to consciously focus on feeling beautiful and to surround ourselves with people who help us feel that way. Everyone is beautiful and everyone deserves to feel it. Also, I think people should compliment one another way more generously, at least here in Finland. If you think someone looks pretty, tell them so! I think I've been called beautiful once (by a person other than my mum, that is), and even though it came from a complete stranger, it meant so much to me! I'm all for not judging people by their looks and focusing on inner beauty, but it's very hard to be confident and let your awesome personality shine through if you can't like your body and looks.

I hate the fact that food has become such a huge problem to the world, even to the parts of the world where there's plenty of it. It's really hard to keep everything in proportion when eating is constantly problematised by media and education, even. Once it has taken over, it's extremely hard to gain back the control. I've witnessed a couple of cases like this, and it breaks my hert everytime. So please just keep on fighting, Shira! I can only imagine how hard it must be, but try to love yourself as well as you can and remember that the Stix sure loves you. Exercise if it brings you pleasure. For me, dancing is the best thing out there to keep me physically active. A dance lesson is so much fun it doesn't feel like working out just for the sake of working out and burning the calories. Maybe you could try to find a form of exercise that you love, so that it would relieve stress rather than cause it?

Please just don't give up, even though it must be so hard. You have come so far already. The Stix will always be here for you. <3

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First of all, let me just extend a rediculously giant hug to this entire community. I love you all Smiler

And personally, I love swimming. The first time I went in the pool in my building it really hurt my eyes, so I haven't been back. I found my goggles yesterday though! So I'm going to take it up again. I really miss swim team from high school, its a very refreshing way to wake up in the morning!

Anyhow, I don't have much else to say, except that I think it's so tragic that whenever any young lady (such as myself in this case) opens up about her body image and food relationship issues a whole bunch of other ladies always seem to come out of the woodwork with very similar issues. It often makes me wonder, as I go about my day, how many of the girls I see are consumed by these same insecurities.

We really should all start telling eachother how nice we look more often. Once a lady saw me walking to school in the rain, I must have looked pretty down because she shouted "Put a smile on your face, you're a beautiful girl!"

It was great, brightened my whole day, and I still remember her for it.

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I can't remember if I ever ranted about my flatmates here in the Stix last year, but in case I didn't, a summary: I had tons of trouble with them. I think it was mainly because they broke the housing rules and we had trouble communicating. So last spring, when a friend of mine from school asked me whether I would like to find a flat with her for the upcoming autumn, I told her a happy yes. I knew there could be issues caused by both living and studying with the same person, but I was ready to deal with them. Anything would be better than living with random strangers!

We got a lovely place from this student housing association thingy, and we've been living here for two months now. Things have gone pretty smoothly. There are some features I find annoying about my current flatmate and I'm sure she feels the same way about me, but we get on well in general.

Last summer, even before we moved in here, her boyfriend proposed to her. We had been living in our flat for a couple of weeks when she told me that they are going to get married on February. I wondered to myself whether they would keep on living separately even after they have become and husband and a wife, but since her boyfriend lives and studies in a different town 100 km away from our college town and she hasn't said anything about moving in with him, I thought that she would live with me until the schoolyear is over, at the end of May, and we would reconsider the situation then. Maybe I was just stupid.

Last Friday I was sitting in a train, waiting for it leave and take me home to my family for the weekend. Another friend of mine came to sit with me and we chatted all through the train ride. At one point, she said "So, [my flatmate] will be moving out, then?". I looked at her, very confused, and told her that as far as I knew, she wasn't going anywhere. "Oh, okay then. I just read on Facebook that she and [her boyfriend] got and apartment from Vantaa...". I just got more and more confused, but as I got home, I checked my Facebook and saw her status that clearly stated that she had got a flat with her boyfriend and that she'll move in with him on February.

What upset me the most, and still does, is the fact that she hadn't even metioned to me that they were looking for a place. Maybe she thought it was too obvious to talk about, but for me it wasn't. The best part - she still hasn't said anything to me directly. Not a word. We haven't really talked about anything this week, for I'm so angry and I think it should be up to her to bring it up and not just assume that I saw it on her Facebook. After last year I really hate the thought of some stranger moving in here, in my home, but that's what's going to happen after she's gone. It's really nasty living with someone you're really mad at, but I'm way to spineless to express my anger and disappointment directly. I know it's stupid, I know it's childlish, but that's how it is for me. Meh.

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^ Damn rainna.....That definitely seems like a tough and hurtful issue. I would be feeling terrible if a friend of mine agreed to live with me, it went smoothly, and then they just bolted. I'd be especially pissed that they did not act like a mature adult, sit down, and talk to me directly about it all....Fucking announcing it like this is some bullshit high school love through posting a tacky facebook status. All without telling the very current person you're living with!!! Hell I'm getting pissed just reaing post!

All I can say is that good luck and I hope things play out for you much more better in the future. Sorry rainna! Frowner

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