Sign in to follow this  
rainna

Being different/strange/special...

Recommended Posts

Now I'm going to be brave and start a new thread. Oh yes. I felt like it. I used 'Find' function. And now I'm doing it! (But it still might go wrong. If my 'Find' button missed something, please inform. Big Grin)

So. I think there's something about everyone of us that sometimes makes us feel different from other people, even strange or freaky. Something about our looks or personalities, ideologies or thoughts or behaviour... I felt like sharing and I hope you will, too. It's always comforting to remember that everyone's "strange" in their own way. Smiler And that it's so okay that way.

Right. This subject came up again about a week ago. It was my friend's birthday party. I went with a couple of friends knowing that most of the guests would be people we'd never met before. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it very much, but I love the friend whose party it was and I had promised to come, so there I was, uncomfortable, lonely and not drunk the whole night. And thought about my strangeness.

I don't drink alcohol. I didn't drink when I was underage and I haven't started after I turned eighteen in September. I'm not interested in it, I don't think I'd like myself drunk. I don't want to lose control like that, I don't want to do things I'll regret next morning. People usually leave me be, they don't give me any comments about it. The problem is that when almost everybody else is drunk, it's very boring to be sober. If I would be very confident and outward and a little shallow in a good way, perhaps I'd be able to enjoy the silliness of it all without any alcohol in my blood, but with my personality, I can't. It's not natural to scream and laugh and dance around with people I don't know. So I often end up sitting alone, watching others, being shy and feeling like a complete loser/antisocial freak. I would love to be able to act like a normal person in these occasions, but it seems I can't. I can't give up my personality or my priciples for that kinds of things. I'm just afraid that I'll end up alone. My frineds feel bad for me sitting alone and not having fun, I feel bad for them feeling bad etc. It's impossible, the whole situation. I'm a wrong kind of person for this teen/young adult life.

I guess the worst part is that I don't know anyone who would feel quite the same about this. I love my friends and they understand me in most things, but I feel like this side of me is hard for them to comprehend. If I had one person in my life who would share this quirk it would make it easier for me. I hate it when people say that it's great that I have principles about alcohol and all that stuff. I don't need anyone to tell me how effing "noble" I am, I need someone to understand that this isn't easy for me, that this makes me feel bad about myself. Even worse are the people who feel sorry for me. I'm not pitiful, I'm just me! I'm afraid that as my friends turn eighteen, become adults, being with friends will start meaning parties or a night at a club. Cause that's when I'll be left out for good. I hate crowded, noisy places and I don't like drunk people. I'm not able to enjoy my friends' company in that kinds of situations.

Whew, a long and ranty post! But I didn't put this in the Rants section anyway cause there must be some good sides too when we talk about being different. I just had to open up about this. Sorry. Smiler If you don't think this thread is silly, please post your own confession.

<3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Now I'm going to be brave and start a new thread. Oh yes. I felt like it. I used 'Find' function. And now I'm doing it! (But it still might go wrong. If my 'Find' button missed something, please inform. Big Grin)

So. I think there's something about everyone of us that sometimes makes us feel different from other people, even strange or freaky. Something about our looks or personalities, ideologies or thoughts or behaviour... I felt like sharing and I hope you will, too. It's always comforting to remember that everyone's "strange" in their own way. Smiler And that it's so okay that way.

Right. This subject came up again about a week ago. It was my friend's birthday party. I went with a couple of friends knowing that most of the guests would be people we'd never met before. I knew I wouldn't enjoy it very much, but I love the friend whose party it was and I had promised to come, so there I was, uncomfortable, lonely and not drunk the whole night. And thought about my strangeness.

I don't drink alcohol. I didn't drink when I was underage and I haven't started after I turned eighteen in September. I'm not interested in it, I don't think I'd like myself drunk. I don't want to lose control like that, I don't want to do things I'll regret next morning. People usually leave me be, they don't give me any comments about it. The problem is that when almost everybody else is drunk, it's very boring to be sober. If I would be very confident and outward and a little shallow in a good way, perhaps I'd be able to enjoy the silliness of it all without any alcohol in my blood, but with my personality, I can't. It's not natural to scream and laugh and dance around with people I don't know. So I often end up sitting alone, watching others, being shy and feeling like a complete loser/antisocial freak. I would love to be able to act like a normal person in these occasions, but it seems I can't. I can't give up my personality or my priciples for that kinds of things. I'm just afraid that I'll end up alone. My frineds feel bad for me sitting alone and not having fun, I feel bad for them feeling bad etc. It's impossible, the whole situation. I'm a wrong kind of person for this teen/young adult life.

I guess the worst part is that I don't know anyone who would feel quite the same about this. I love my friends and they understand me in most things, but I feel like this side of me is hard for them to comprehend. If I had one person in my life who would share this quirk it would make it easier for me. I hate it when people say that it's great that I have principles about alcohol and all that stuff. I don't need anyone to tell me how effing "noble" I am, I need someone to understand that this isn't easy for me, that this makes me feel bad about myself. Even worse are the people who feel sorry for me. I'm not pitiful, I'm just me! I'm afraid that as my friends turn eighteen, become adults, being with friends will start meaning parties or a night at a club. Cause that's when I'll be left out for good. I hate crowded, noisy places and I don't like drunk people. I'm not able to enjoy my friends' company in that kinds of situations.

Whew, a long and ranty post! But I didn't put this in the Rants section anyway cause there must be some good sides too when we talk about being different. I just had to open up about this. Sorry. Smiler If you don't think this thread is silly, please post your own confession.

<3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you were to change the word "drunk" to "high", and "alcohol" to "pot", then that would describe exactly how I feel! I feel the same way, Rainna Smiler

I do have my reservations about alcohol, I used to despise it, but it's not as strong as the former.

I can't stand high people, I just... can't.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmm... this is a great topic, and a huge one, and I'm leaving in about an hour for about ten days where I won't have any internet access to follow it. However, I appreciate you putting your thoughts down.

I think that the Australian and Scandinavian cultures are similar in their use of alcohol for socialising, so I can understand you exactly, and also in the 'feeling outside' for whatever reason. I used to drink, but don't now, and find it incredibly awkward and boring to go back to some of the places I used to really enjoy, where people are still drinking. I don't mind people around me getting drunk/high/etc - it just isn't all that interesting, as you say.

Lately I've been "playing" those Regina lyrics "People are just people" over and over in my head so that I can try to deal with the general mass of humanity around me better. When you talk about trying to be a "normal person", I really don't think there's any such thing. You have to be true to yourself.

I wish I had more time to comment, but just wanted you to know that there are millions of us in the same boat.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting topic...

I think what makes me different from other people is my tendency to "over-think" things... I get so bogged down in analyzing "Why do I feel the way I do?" and "Why did she say that?" that I have trouble getting comfortable in basic situations. It's frustrating... Idk; I guess I'm not really describing the situation correctly. That's another thing: I can never express things quite the way I mean them. I stutter and misuse phrases and repeat myself...

On the good side, I like that my personality differs from who people expect me to be. My dorky, unimpressive outward appearance usually leaves people surprised by my sense of humor, and I suppose my personality in general. It's interesting, I guess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel exactly the same way about this as you do. Literally everyone I share a suite with at my college gathers together for drinking binges every weekend and several of them keep begging me to join in. They have their fun and never become unruly to the point of causing harm to anyone, but I would like for them to understand that I never intend to consume an alcoholic beverage.

I know how hard it is to be alone in your room when the room straight across the hall is packed with seven people laughing uproariously. I would like to enjoy myself as much as they do, but not at the cost of having to make myself drunk to find everything so amusing. I do not feel that I will ever give in and drink, but I doubt that I will ever find it easy to handle being the odd one out simply because I prefer not to become intoxicated.

I also feel the same way about noisy, crowded places. For me, it wouldn't matter whether or not anyone in my party had been drinking...I wouldn't be able to socialize in a bar or club under any circumstances. I would personally rather be "left out" than included in such an environment.

I feel shy and antisocial almost every time people are involved in my life, not limited to situations in which my peers indulge in behaviors I choose to abstain from. It really isn't easy, but being outgoing generally isn't in my nature and thus it does not truly bother me to be the way I am. I just wish more people understood this and let me be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

quote:
Originally posted by ThisIsHowItWorks:

Am I going crazy, or wasn't there a post on this thread before about a book on the topic of introversion vs. extroversion? I know I saw it here...

You're not going crazy, I'm a bad post deleter person. But I'm rewriting it. I've finished the book now and I wanted to maybe add and change some things..

but the book is called

The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World by Marti Olsen Laney.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, it's so nice that you have commented! I feel better. <3

RJ: It's interesting how people really don't get high here. Of course some people do pot, but people don't get it easily. It's very rare compared to alcohol. Or maybe I just haven't gone to the right parties... So my experiences on it are very few and I prefer it that way. Drunk people are annoying enough to deal with. That's a lousy situation you have there, let's try to survive. Smiler

davidh: <3. People are just people is one of my favourite Regina lines and it's important for me to remember, too. And I have to say that even though people exaggerate a bit when talking about North Europeans and drinking, I have to say that Finnish alcohol habit really are quite disastrous. Too often drinking is a synonym for having fun.

And TIHIW, I'm also familiar with over-analysing everything. I listen and watch people so carefully and pay attention to little details and spin them around in my head until I'm dizzy. Something to do with social shyness? But as said, People are just people and they shouldn't make you nervous. I'm trying to learn to relax and let go.

Mm, Henry, your thoughts are like straight from my head! I can't stand you having this similar views with me and living in another continent! I wish I had someone like you right here among my friends to be boring with me while everyone else is having a good time with their booze. Please move to Helsinki? Big Grin

In addition to my previous post: it's also horrible when people think I look down on them because they drink and I don't. I would never look down on anyone for such a reason! It's just a choice, not a definitive feature. I choose not to drink, but I don't think I'm better than anybody because of it. But people easily get pissed when they think someone is "above" them. I guess I'm not helping it, either. People sometimes misinterpret, they think that I'm not "participating" because I think I'm better than them. Even though it's often vice versa.

//Edit

I, too, was very confused by the sudden disappearance of your post, bum bum bum. Glad it'll be back! Big Grin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this